Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy
Melissa's house is SOOOO cute. I want it.
SO here are some Jack Handy :Deep Thought quotes..... Me and stace used to read these for hours and laugh hysterrically. I'm just posting a few... but if you want to read more go here :
http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm
"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail."
"Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up."
"When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different."
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
"Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic."
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
"I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties."
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see."
“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.”
“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared”
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and
you'll have their shoes."
"If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy
behind your horse, I bet it would really make you
mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a
magazine."
"Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a
new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you
have chosen the nickname "Fly Head."Normally you
would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person
who has beautiful swept-back features, as if
flying through the air. But think again. Couldn't
it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm
afraid some people might actually think that."
Well thats all...... those are just some of my favorites. Enjoy!
SO here are some Jack Handy :Deep Thought quotes..... Me and stace used to read these for hours and laugh hysterrically. I'm just posting a few... but if you want to read more go here :
http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm
"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail."
"Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up."
"When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different."
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
"Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic."
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
"I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties."
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see."
“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.”
“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared”
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and
you'll have their shoes."
"If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy
behind your horse, I bet it would really make you
mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a
magazine."
"Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a
new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you
have chosen the nickname "Fly Head."Normally you
would think that "Fly Head" would mean a person
who has beautiful swept-back features, as if
flying through the air. But think again. Couldn't
it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm
afraid some people might actually think that."
Well thats all...... those are just some of my favorites. Enjoy!
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